As I may have mentioned a couple dozen times before, I’m not a native of Colorado.
Having been here for 9 years now, I gotta tell you, in general, I think we have really outstanding weather.
Sure, It can be a bit on the dry side, but we get a ton of sunshine, 4 recognizable seasons, and even though we get dumped with snow now and again in the winter, we don’t tend have those month long spells where the thermometer never gets above zero. And to me, that’s a more than fair trade.
All that said, I have noticed that pretty much every summer we get a least a couple weeks of exceptionally hot weather, kind of like we’re having right now.
And it’s usually in the middle of one of these spells that I REALLY second guess the decision to live in an 85 year old house with NO air conditioning.
50 weeks of the year, I love my house.
It’s got charm. It’s got character. And all those other bullshit things that real estate agents talk about when they’re trying to sell you an 85 year old house.
But when you’re laying awake at night covered in cold wash cloths trying to get to sleep, charm and character aren’t exactly what you’re looking for.
Sometimes I tell myself that by not having air conditioning I’m actually doing a good thing for the planet.
Being kind to the environment feels sorta good.
At least until that moment when you’re sitting in your living room in a puddle of sweat, realizing that you’re actually stuck to the furniture.
I’ve never actually been inside a warehouse at Boeing or Lockheed Martin but in my imagination, they’re probably about as loud as my house is in the summer.
Because we’ve got more fans running per square foot than all of Indonesia and Cambodia combined.
At least 8 at last count.
I’m thinking at some point I’m going to have buy more fans and point them at the other fans just to keep the first line of defense from over-heating and burning out their motors.
In the most generous of terms this seems, shall we say, counter-productive.
I kid you not: People tend to TALK louder when they come into our house just so they can be heard over the fan noise.
And of course, when you have 3 kids under the age of 11, the last thing you want to do is encourage anyone to be louder.
It’s usually about this time every year that Anne asks me why we don’t have air conditioning.
In the past I’ve taken the relatively simple approach and said, “Well, mainly because I don’t have ten thousand dollars I’m not doing anything with right now. Do you?”
Another one of my favorites is, “I’d hate to ruin the charm of our house by cutting holes in all our ceilings so we could run ducts for the AC.”
This year I tried the Darwinian approach and actually suggested that, in evolutionary terms, we were probably better off NOT having air conditioning because as the rest of our fellow humans get more and more reliant on air conditioning, those of us at the Casey house are training our bodies to live in sweltering heat which, over time, should modify our genetics to such a degree that future generations of our family will be able to survive when the average temperature of the planet is 20 degrees warmer than it is right now.
Granted, it’s just a theory.
It’s usually at this point that Anne gives me a look that says, “Wow, I really should’ve married better.”
Well, of course you could have, babe, but it’s too late now.
That’s why they put “for better and for worse” right there in the wedding vows.
Perhaps they should’ve included something about “an eternity of face-melting heat” in the vows too?