The World’s Most Complicated Soap

The last time I tried to shower in a hotel, I couldn’t find a bar of soap for the life of me.

After running out of patience for my bumbling around Anne finally said, “Hey, knuckle-head, the soap is right here!” and she handed me a little cardboard box that said “Waste Reducing Exfoliating Body Cleanser” on it.

And here I had been foolishly looking for something that said S-O-A-P.  What was I thinking?

The back of the package said the following, and I quote:  This ergonomically shaped soap has been designed to eliminate the unused center of traditional soap bars.  This soap is cruelty free and contains no animal fat or by-products.  This carton is made from natural recycled packaging printed with soy-based inks.  Enjoy your shower and don’t forget to wash behind your ears!

Okay, I made the last part up…but all the rest of it is true.

It’s like the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals and Greenpeace snuck into my hotel room and swapped out all the soap bars or something.

Here are 3 quick thoughts on my most recent soap-tastic discovery:

  1. I’m a guy who really enjoys the small details of life and as such I TIP MY HAT to the person who spend that much time thinking about how to make a better bar of soap.  Talk about micro-analysis!  Clearly this is a person who needs a hobby of some kind.
  2. Ergonomics is “The science of equipment design intended to maximize productivity by reducing operator fatigue and discomfort”.  If we now have ergonomically designed soap that must mean that somebody somewhere actually got so fatigued and discomforted that they couldn’t finish their shower.  Wow.  That’s a scary thought.
  3. Take a look at this picture of ergo-soap and tell me if I’m crazy here but doesn’t it look vaguely, ummmm, anatomical?  I may have to research it some more but my suspicion is that it was designed by a group of horny 14 year old boys right after spending an entire weekend looking through their father’s back issues of Playboy Magazine.  I don’t know that it cleans any better than regular soap but I find it oddly compelling none the less.

 

In closing allow me to say this:  It’s SOAP people.  Let’s not overthink it, okay?

 

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