As any decent recovery program will tell you, the first step in curing an addiction is admitting that you have a problem in the first place.
With that in mind:
My name is Mike Casey….and I’m addicted……to……. salsa.
Not just any salsa mind you, but specifically Herdez brand Salsa Casera.
Sure, I’d spent a lot of years just using salsa recreationally. Maybe with friends. Maybe a little extra on the weekends. But it wasn’t until someone introduced me to the zesty, tangy goodness that IS Herdez Brand Salsa Casera, that my addiction really started to spiral out of control. To borrow a phrase from the Simpsons, “It’s like there was a party in my mouth, and EVERYONE was invited.”
I started the same way all addicts do. A little chips and salsa after work just to relax, maybe an extra dollop or two on my burrito, what’s the harm, right? And quicker than I could say “Dr. Drew Pinsky”, I’m putting Herdez Salsa on everything from breakfast cereal to ice cream, just as an excuse to keep using. And before long, as my salsa needs continued to increase, I was actually INVENTING meals in order to hide my addiction. ‘Brunch’ actually exists. But only in the mind of a stone cold salsa junkie could there be completely fictitious meals such as “Linner” or “Dreak-fast”.
And then of course, as happens with any self-destructive cycle of addiction, I eventually hit rock bottom. Instead of going through a 10 oz jar of Herdez Salsa Casera every couple days, I was now buying a family size container and polishing it off before lunch time every single day.
Finally, after a three day bender in which I had taken money out of my kid’s piggy banks and hocked important family heirlooms in order to get the money to buy more Herdez Salsa Casera, I found myself strung out at 2am, crawling around the kitchen floor on my hands and knees, looking for anything…anything man……a sprig of Cilantro….a mini chunk of fallen tomato……just one spilled drop of that Salsa-rific nectar, I’ll go clean tomorrow, I SWEAR!
That was a dark day, my friends. A dark day indeed.
Fortunately, my family staged a salsa intervention before it was too late, and with the help of some qualified professionals and a free-ketchup program that helped ween me away from my salsa dependence, I can say I’ve been clean for 6 months now.
But I’ll be honest with you. It’s a struggle everyday. And sometimes I find myself jealous of people who can just use Herdez Salsa Casera recreationally without having it completely take over their lives.
So if you happen to be one of those people, the next time you sit down to casually enjoy a burrito, or a quesadilla, or some chips, take an extra moment or two to really savor the magnificence of Herdez Salsa Casera for me.
And remember; the first taste is always free.