Mom’s Know Damn Near Everything

Today being Mother’s Day, I got to thinking about the little nuggets of wisdom my Mom has passed along to me over the years.

So in honor of my dear Mother Marjorie, here are the 10 Mom-isms that stick out most in my memory.

  1. Call me when you get there so I know you’re okay.  If you don’t get there, don’t worry about calling.”  I was never sure about how that one was supposed to make me feel exactly…..
  2. Don’t make that face…it might freeze in that position.”  That turned out not to be true, but just in case, I’ve spent the last couple years trying to make a George Clooney face, in the hopes I can actually get it to freeze like that.
  3. Bring a jacket.  Then you have it.  If you get warm, you can always take it off.  What’s so hard about that?”  Regardless of their religion, all Moms speak a little bit of Yiddish……
  4. Because I said so…”  This is the trump-card of Mom-dom.  It works on any occasion and for any reason.  Don’t try to fight it.  Even when you’re 40, a Mom’s “Because I said so” is still better than anything you got in the arsenal…
  5. I don’t care if Danny Smith’s parents let him do that.  If Danny jumped off a bridge, would you jump with him?  “Probably not, Mom….but if Jennifer Aniston were with Danny I might have to give it some serious thought….”
  6. Always wear clean under-wear, cuz you just never know.”  The implication here is that gloom and doom are always right around the corner, but on the upside, they can apparently be offset by having clean undies.
  7. No one ever said life was going to be easy.”  C’mon, Mom, really?  NO ONE in the history of the world ever said life was going to be easy?  I think a more accurate statement would be “no one related to US ever said life was going to be easy….”
  8. Don’t swear, use your manners, and always be a gentleman.  I don’t care what anyone says, women like gentlemen.”  I’ve always been curious who was spreading the rumor that women DIDN’T like gentlemen…….it was probably that bridge jumper Danny Smith if I had to guess…..
  9. Don’t go outside with a wet head.  You’ll catch your death.”  Not “you’ll catch a cold” or even “you’ll catch pneumonia” but “you’ll catch your DEATH”.  I don’t recall the surgeon general ever taking that position from a medical standpoint, but then, he wasn’t a Mom, was he?
  10. No matter where you go or what you do in life, remember to call your Mother.  She loves you very much and she went through serious labor pains bringing you into the world.  Don’t make her regret it.”

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom.  I appreciate all the years of wisdom you’ve passed on to me and I love you very much.

For the record, I think your other son is going to get you a real present.

No Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email is never shared.Required fields are marked *